Release Read online

  Joe’s grinning like he wants to laugh. “You’ve been called worse, though.”

  “I could deal with the asshole part – I was an asshole. She also said I humiliated her. That is what made me feel like shit.”

  “I’ve gotta say, man, it’s not often I see you looking so guilty. You know you need to say something to Saffron before you get busted, right? If this chick’s pissed and she’s friends with Kayla, Saff’ll hear about it.”

  “I know she will. I’ll say something to her soon, but I wanna make sure things are cool with Brooklyn first.”

  “How cool do you expect things to be if she thinks you’re an asshole?”

  “That’s a good fucking question.”

  When I get home, and walk into my dark living room, it hits me that this is the first Saturday in a long time that I’ve chosen to do nothing. It’s only ten o’clock. I don’t bother putting on the lights; I sit on the sofa and turn on the TV, letting that illuminate the place. Flipping through the channels, I come across the movie remake of ‘Shaft’ and leave it there. My Saturday night in with Samuel L. Motherfucking! Jackson.

  As I watch, my mind wanders. Maybe I should tell Saffron about Brooklyn sooner rather than later. She’ll be pissed with me if she finds out from anyone else. Kayla might see her before I speak to Brooklyn and say something. Or Ella. Shit, I didn’t think of Ella. Kayla’s good friends with Ella. Ella’s good friends with Saffron. Dammit, that didn’t even cross my mind. Where the fuck has my head been at? Girls talk. In my mind, they tell each other everything.

  It’s ten thirty-eight, Saff should still be up. I reach for my cell on the coffee table and it starts to ring before I touch it. I consider not answering, because I don’t know who it is, but do anyway. “Hello?”

  “Hi,” the sweet British voice says. I mute the TV. “Is it an okay time to talk?” She sounds shy.

  “Sure, yeah, what’s up? How was your show tonight?”

  “It was excellent. Full house again, everything went as it should.”

  “Good, that’s good. So you decided to call me. Does this mean you’re gonna give me the chance to get to know you better.”

  “I think so.”

  “I want you to know so, Brooklyn.”

  “Okay. Yes. I’d like to get to know you better, and you’re welcome to get to know me better.”

  “I get that I fucked up your impression of me, but I won’t be anything other than honest with you from here on out.”

  “That’s the only expectation I have of you, Dane. I’m not out to delve into what makes you the kind of man who doesn’t want a relationship and become the woman who is your savior, the one who changes you. I don’t believe life works that way. People change their course when they’re ready to, it’s more about the timing, and those around them aren’t the ones that steer it, they simply support it. That’s just my opinion, though. I’m not going to hold anything against you. The slates clean, you get one more chance.

  “Since we’re on the topic of honesty, you should probably know that I’m not sure what I want right now, or if I’m even ready to get involved with anyone. And, regardless of that, we are still two people who do things differently – in my case that’s not something that’s going to change.”

  “As I said on Thursday, maybe this is pointless. I don’t know for sure, you don’t know for sure, whatever. I still wanted you to call. You wanted to call, or you wouldn’t be. Tell me something, though, Brooklyn. Picking up on what you just said about being ready, was your vigilance toward me because of what Kayla said, or because of what some other guy did to you?”

  “My last relationship didn’t end well, how many do? I can’t say it didn’t play a part, but it was mainly because someone I trust advised me to keep my distance and even though I understood why, I still showed up on Monday morning. Usually I’d say, “Fuck him, he can get lost.” And that would be the end of it. I didn’t make it to that place with you, which I don’t understand, so I had to at least keep my guard up. This is all out of the ordinary for me.”

  “So we’re both doing things out of the ordinary, then.”

  “It seems so. It’s quite crazy. Since we’re still flirting with the topic of honesty, have you actually had relationships before?”

  “Yes, I have.”

  “But your preference is to be single?”

  “Yes, it is.” I can’t lie. I won’t lie.

  “This is definitely crazy, then. Am I right in suspecting that it wasn’t just a coincidence that you left on Tuesday right after we spoke about love, even though it was in reference to Release? Did I look all dreamy and scare you into thinking I might fall in love with you, or that I’d live in the hope of you falling in love with me? Or shock horror that you actually would fall for me – the last part was a joke, by the way. I’m definitely not that deluded.”

  Who the fuck wouldn’t laugh at the way she said that? I sure am. Holy shit.

  “I already knew you weren’t the type to pretend to play hard to get, and your caution was real, but damn, girl, you really did put some thought into calling me, didn’t you?”

  “I had to. I’m not stealing your line, but I don’t play games. I wasn’t playing it cool for three days knowing all along that I’d call you.”

  “Shit.” This woman is something else. I don’t know what the hell else to say about her. “For sure you looked like you’re down with the whole love thing – dreamy as you call it. It’s inevitable that when two people who want different things start spending time together – yeah I’m referring to sex – it doesn’t work so well. Sometimes sex doesn’t even have to play a part, emotions exist with or without it, and I didn’t want to take the chance of you getting hurt. I still don’t, but I want to spend time with you also. Maybe I’m a selfish piece of shit who wants it all his way. I don’t even know what the fuck any of this means, Brooklyn.”

  “That’s fine. I don’t either.”

  “So I thought you had plans with Kayla tonight.” Moving on to lighter stuff.

  “Something came up for her. I just came straight home.”

  “I don’t get it; going to a club after your show. That’s pretty hard going, right?”

  “We wouldn’t go if we didn’t feel up to it, and it was more about the live music and cocktails. If we did get the urge to dance, there’d be no choreographed routines or anything strenuous. It does also help that we don’t have work tomorrow.”

  I’d love to go dancing with her. But would she? I guess there’s only one way to find out. “I wanna take you dancing.” It wasn’t my intention to demand it like that, but whatever. That’s what I want.

  “Pardon me?” I think she’s surprised. It’s hard to know for sure, but the raise in her voice makes me think so.

  “I wanna take you dancing. Unless you’ve made plans with Kayla to go some other time, I’d like to take you to that club myself.”

  She giggles, and I’m pissed I can’t see her face to get a true idea of her reaction, because she still seems surprised and now she’s also finding something funny.

  “Uh, no man who knows what I do has ever asked me that.” So that’s it.

  “Well, in your own words, it’s not like we’d be dropping choreographed routines or anything strenuous. You’d totally whoop my ass and I’m not down for that type of humiliation. Pilates was bad enough.”

  She laughs harder, it sounds like she’s moved the cell away from her mouth. How could that possibly get on my nerves? The louder she laughs the better.

  “Okay. When?” Fuck me she said that with a whole lot of ease.

  “Next Saturday. I’ll swing by the theater and pick you up.”

  ****

  Because I didn’t get to call Saffron last night, I decided to come to her house today. She opens the front door, her everyday happy self.

  I enter the large foyer. This place is a real family home, even when Nathaniel and Jack, Joe’s two and a half year old son, aren’t around. You feel it the minute you wal
k through the door. Though the interior design is stylish, modern and open with white marble floors and light green and white coloring the walls and rugs throughout, there’s always evidence that children live here. It might be because a toy’s been left on the floor, or a child’s blanket is draped over the sofa. If that doesn’t tell you something, all the pictures hanging up will.

  We head straight for the living room where Nathaniel is occupied with an array of toy cars and motorcycles. I join him. Kids provide a grown man with the perfect opportunity to justifiably become a big ol’ kid.

  After a few minutes, Adam walks into the room. “‘Sup, man?” he says.

  “Thought I’d come see little man and Saff. Where’s Joe?”

  “Taking Jack to Emily’s.”

  “Right.” I get up before I get carried away and spend the entire afternoon with Nathaniel and his cool collection of toys. That’ll be fine once I talk to my sister.

  I sit in the armchair next to the light green suede sofa Saffron’s sitting on, with her legs curled under her and elbow propped on the arm. She looks at me. “It’s only twelve, Dane. You not busy this morning?” She’s being selective with her choice of words, but her disapproval is clear, as always.

  “No. I do do other things with my time, you know. I wanted to hang with my sister and nephew for a little while.”

  I don’t know why people think I do nothing other than fuck. It isn’t my sole purpose in life. I actually like time to myself, and there are many other things I enjoy doing. I have two heads on my body, one of them has a brain in it and that requires its own form of – non-sexual – stimulation.

  Right now I feel like Saff’s the big sister, and I’m about to get my ass kicked. I pretend to focus on the show Adam is watching, but really I’m thinking about what to say. She takes these things seriously, so there’s a possibility she’ll freak when I tell her about Brooklyn. We’re always careful with words and actions around Nathaniel, so that just might save my butt.

  I glance over at Adam, in the other chair, his eyes framed by the glasses he wears for watching television, tattooing and writing. Not a lot of people know this, but when he’s not working in his tattoo studio, he writes story books for kids. He created a series about dragons and a boy, inspired by his son. To say it’s done well is an understatement. Nathaniel’s caught up in whatever it is that’s on, too.

  I turn to Saffron – who’s looking me straight in the eyes. Now I know she knows. Her neutral expression doesn’t let me in on what she thinks, or how she’ll react. “Let’s go make coffee,” I say, standing up to head out to the kitchen.

  Her husband snickers, so it’s obvious he knows why we’re leaving the room. “Good luck,” he mutters.

  I toss him a glance, he’s still humored. I’m glad he finds it so damn funny.

  Saff and I stop by the island. “You upset with me?”

  “Should I be, Dane?” Her gaze is pulling on mine as though there’s some kind of magnetic connection between us, hers being the major force right now. She’s working to keep her tone low and calm, but I can see by her hard expression that she’s not happy with me.

  “Honestly, no.”

  She raises a brow in an ‘oh-really?’ manner.

  I lean back against the sink and fold my arms across my chest. Saffron’s a few feet in front of me with her hands propped on her hips. She’s only five-two, but with the ability to take up a stance like that and enforce her authority on my six-one, she’s going to scare the shit out of Nathaniel when he’s older. She’s scaring the shit out of me right now.

  “What do you know?”

  “I know you’ve been meeting Brooklyn in the mornings. Some breakfast arrangement thing.” She said thing like it’s a dirty word.

  Walking over to the cupboard to the left of me, she takes out three mugs.

  So Brooklyn didn’t tell her friends about Tuesday, or coming to the shop, or that I went to her class – I still can’t believe I fucking did that. I didn’t ask her on the phone because it might’ve sounded self-centered. That’s one good thing; I just have to deal with Saff’s overall disapproval about me approaching her.

  “Did Kayla tell you that?”

  “No, Ella thought I knew. Turns out I’m the last to know.”

  Shit, I can see that bothers her. That’s something I do have a problem with. “I’m sorry you had to hear it from Ella. I just wanted to see what happened first. I wasn’t even sure Brooklyn would show on Monday.”

  “What are you doing, Dane?” She’s working harder to keep her voice steady. She starts filling the mugs with steaming coffee from the coffeemaker.

  I can’t answer a question I don’t even know the answer to myself.

  “Brooklyn’s not my friend, but she’s Kayla’s. Kayla’s close to Ella, which means she’s relevant to me – and she already had that stuff with Gerard. That was bad enough.”

  “It’s not the same thing, Saff. We’re just getting to know each other. Kayla warned her off me, she’s being careful.”

  “Ella’s told me all about Brooklyn. She sounds like she’s got her head screwed on, but I know you, Dane.” She hands me my coffee and takes Adam his.

  Anybody would think I’m some kind of sex villain.

  When Saff returns, we sit at the breakfast bar. “What’s with the breakfast date thing?” she asks, frowning.

  Is it really so strange that two people meet up for breakfast? Or coffee, as it turned out? Yeah, it’s far from what I usually do, but I don’t think it’s altogether weird.

  “I knew she’d probably say no to anything else, and I wanted the chance to at least see her once and talk to her. And just so you know, I didn’t approach her the night of the show. It was tempting, I came this close,” I say, gesturing with an inch between my thumb and forefinger, “to going after her when she left the bar that night before her friends, but I held back. You played a large part in that. I kept to your terms, like I always do. Then I saw her the next evening out there on the beach. If she was someone you were personally close to I’d still have stayed away.”

  The thing is I’d have seen Brooklyn again eventually. I’d have approached her eventually. The only difference is that, if she personally knew my sister, this conversation with Saff would’ve taken place before I spoke to Brooklyn.

  Sooner or later, we would’ve talked. Period.

  “Ella asked me what you’re doing. She’s fond of Brooklyn, and Kayla’s real tight with her.”

  “No one needs to be concerned. I’m not out to hurt anybody, and Brooklyn’s more than capable of taking care of herself.”

  “You never intend to hurt anybody, Dane, but it still happens sometimes. What exactly is going on with you two?” She rests both elbows on the breakfast bar, with her mug cupped between her palms, and sips her coffee.

  “We’re just two adults getting to know each other.”

  “Think you might be able to have more than adult fun with her?”

  “I don’t think anything right now. You know how “more than adult fun” and me works, Saff.”

  “It doesn’t always have to be that way, Dane. It could be different.”

  “We spoke for hours on the phone last night. I haven’t done stuff like that with a girl since high school. There’s something different for you.”

  Brooklyn was completely at ease when we spoke, not a hint of caution. Five fucking hours we spent on the phone.

  Saff’s lips curve wide and it’s almost funny that she looks impressed. “I like that different.” Her expression goes hard. “Don’t make me the last to know what happens with you both, even if it comes to nothing.”

  “I won’t, I promise.”

  Her smile right now is the fullest I’ve seen from her since I arrived here today, even more so than when she opened the door to me. Mine isn’t far off hers – if she’s happy, I’m happy.

  “My brother and the girl I watched on TV for all those weeks. I’m excited. So tell me about Brooklyn in your words.” She b
eams, all eager now.

  This wasn’t supposed to be part of our conversation.

  Thirteen: Brooklyn

  I’ve been trying not to look forward to tonight all week, but I’ve failed miserably. I’ve been so excited – just as I am right now, though there’s also an infusion of nerves suddenly.

  That’s probably because Dane’s sitting in a cab outside the theater, waiting for me.

  The only people left in the dressing room are Leona and me. She and Kayla have waited to see me off. As I check myself over in the full-length mirror, one final time, Leona comes into view beside me, a huge smile on her face. I pat down the pleats of my red mini skirt and observe my boobs. “Can you see my nipples?” I ask.

  I’m wearing a thin black strappy top and, as all girls know, sometimes the lights make the material appear sheer. I hadn’t considered that when I tried it on at home.

  Leona chuckles as she folds her arms below her breasts. “Nope. So what if they did show, you’ve got great nipples.”

  “That’s hardly the point. I don’t want to look like a tart.”

  “As if – you are pure class, even though I can see your arse.”

  I laugh at her as I turn my back to the mirror and tilt my upper body forward. Granted, this thing is short, but my arse is definitely covered.

  The door to the toilets swings open, and Kayla struts out. “Suck a dick! Girl, you are smokin’,” she says, coming to a stop beside Leona.

  “Thanks. This isn’t too full on, is it?”

  “Hell no. Just don’t get drunk, keep your head clear,” Kayla orders.

  “I have no intention of consuming too much alcohol. Two drinks max.”

  Sitting on a chair, I slip on my stiletto sandals and fasten the ankle straps. After a group hug, if three people qualify for that, I put on my knee length coat and button up. I make my way down to the street, my anticipation and anxiety increasing with every step.